Musings.

Given that I have made the Douche's mission statement something along the lines of "don't write about yourself, write about universals," I find myself occasionally struggling to come up with worthy topics for this baby. I mean come on, let's be honest, there aren't a whole lot of "Have ever noticed that..."s left. Seinfeld took about half of them, and imitators followed and vultured the other half. So to come up with a real champion of inane observation, like my shocking discovery that the Push To Cross button does nothing, it requires a little luck, a little brainstorming, and a fair amount of discipline. In other words, my brain's got to be at the right place at the right time. Otherwise, you get nights like tonight, where I want to update the Douche, but a quality topic eludes me.

I've got a little something for you next time, but tonight's post is going to serve as a multiple previous-post follow up. Yeah, that's right, I'm addressing topics previously discussed in past entries. I feel I would be doing you a disservice if I neglected to catch you up to date on some of these important subjects. So without further ado, MUSINGS!

1. I did go on to view Blood Diner and Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo. Although phenomenally bad movies, I'd have to say that as far as bad movies go, they were simply too bad. Now, anyone who knows anything about me knows I have an ungodly amount of patience for pure and utter crap (Note: there is a distinction...it has to be non-mainstream crap. Obscure crap. Soulja Boy is crap, but the fact that people actually enjoy it brings my piss to a boil and causes me to self-mutilate).

Unlike our friend Soulja Boy, however, these bad movies are terrible, but they're also totally unheard of*, which allows me to laugh at them objectively without picturing the smiling faces of all my peers who I'd like to kill. God I hate pop music. Whoops, got sidetracked. Anyway, even I, Ryan, crap connoisseur, had a tough time with these two. Unbearably bad. You can't believe they were ever even made. If you're looking for a bad movie that'll keep you entertained without causing you to question God, watch "Shark Attack 3: Megalodon." Enter that phrase into YouTube if you want to see the clip I mentioned in the last post...it up and vanished for no reason.

Of course, as my esteemed colleague Dave pointed out, every shitty movie is funny for a while. That was indeed the case with both of these unfortunate pictures. But yes, even I grew weary of the shit-fest as time went on. Still, I finished them. I mean, you might ask, what's the point? Well, why did the four Jamaicans carry their sled across the finish line in Cool Runnings, despite the fact that they had obviously lost and it was a total waste of time? Pride. I had to be able to tell you that I sat through both Blood Diner and Breakin' 2 in one single weekend. Oh, and I watched another movie in between the two of them. The Godfather. Damn, what a sequence. It's like eating Filet Mignon between two pieces of moldy, slimy, maggot infested limburger cheese.

(By the way, they just don't dress like they used to these days... check out this screenshot from Breakin' 2.)


One other announcement, regarding the Challenger. It's been put off for a few weeks, but it's still happening. The Challenger will be annihilated by Mike Ho and myself on the weekend before finals. That's the weekend after Spring Weekend, kids. I really thought better of you in regards to pledges, though. I mean, you've got the chance to witness live theatre; a grotesque display of gastrointestinal fortitude, for just a few dollars. Hell, I'd be jumping at the chance. Make it right. Pledge a few dollars to the Challenger Fund today. Remember, if we win, you keep your money. If not, hey, you had a killer time, and you can taunt me without mercy. I'm not trying to rip you off, I just need help financing a 40 dollar pizza. Plus, the place is B.Y.O.B. What more could you ask for?

Anyway, that's it for this time, but I'll be back soon with a new Douche for your trembling nipples.

(*aside from a small Family Guy reference to Breakin' 2 in the episode where Peter and Lois run against each other for school board president. I can't let the Cronies think I'm not versed in my Family Guy.)