In my younger and more vulnerable years, the wondrous corporation that we all know as Frito-Lay used to manufacture a glorious chip, one that conquered the masses and set entire countrysides aflame.
This chip, construed from the holy shroud of Turin, coated in the finest seasonings known to man, and baked in the hellfires of Valhalla, was then distributed by the friendly snack-food giant, mass-produced and placed on grocery store shelves nationwide. There it was, hiding in plain sight. The world's consumers, stupid peasants that they were, ignored the clandestine blessing until one day, it vanished. Like a shooting star across a cool summer's eve, the chosen snack known only as Guacamole Doritos had shuffled loose this mortal coil. They had gone quietly into the dark night. They were discontinued. Stupid.
These Doritos are a staple of my past. If not for these delicious treats, who knows what sort of triathlete I may have become. However, though they were my vice and part of me should rejoice having been freed from their bondage, even now I long for their blissful satisfaction. As lesser flavors of Doritos are allowed to continue, the one true champion of the snack line was cast aside like the runt of the litter.
Perhaps, in the many years since I last enjoyed destiny's corn chip, my mind has romanticized Guacamole Doritos to an unrealistic level. Perhaps they were simply average, and my longing for them is solely postmortem. Perhaps they will go down in history as another Orangina; that is to say, after trying them years after initially falling in love, they turn out to be just alright. Mediocrity in sublime packaging.
But perhaps, just perhaps...
Guacamole Doritos are The Chosen Ones.
