Valentine's Day sucks. I have several problems with Valentine's day. The first of which is the historical bastardization done by the holiday's current incarnation.
According to Wikipedia (and we always trust Wikipedia...), the tradition of Valentine's day dates back to two Christian Martyrs. See, in these days, Valentine was a popular Christian name, and martyrdom was a popular Christian pasttime. These two men, Valentine of Rome and Valentine of Terni, were killed about 70 years apart and an annual Pagan festival was created to honor them.
Something like 1700 years later, Kay Jewelers demands that I buy my girlfriend a diamond necklace. What happened here?
You may have noticed that in essence, this entry is the same as 12/31's "'Tis the Season for Obligatory Spending." Indeed, just as we have commercialized and mutilated Christmas, so too have we ruined this great Pagan ritual.
Okay, okay. Of course I wouldn't give a damn about the ritual if it still existed today as it did in its original form. My real problem with the whole thing is that a festival for two murdered men has degenerated into what we see today. Why stick with Valentine's day? The original holiday has absolutely NOTHING to do with love or romance. Why piss on these two men's graves by cheapening their legacy and making their day completely unrecognizable? Why couldn't they just come up with a different day? Lover's day? Something like that?
Another reason Valentine's day is stupid is that it's reached a Christmaslike proportion of obligatory spending. The whole point of the day now is to show off how much you love someone by buying them material things. What a poignant reminder of what a festering shithole our society is. You love your girlfriend, right John Q. Dickhead? Well you better go out and buy her a teddy bear, box of chocolates, a Lexus with a giant bow on it, and a vibrating butt plug, or else you're toast.
Our society is already sadly materialistic on any other day, but Valentine's day just takes it over the top. Wikipedia also said that it's estimated men spend twice as much as women on this bullshit holiday. Why the hell do we need to buy each other stuff again? Really? Birthdays, Christmas and Anniversaries aren't enough? You really need a stupid day like Valentine's day to buy more shit? Yeah, no. I don't subscribe to this particular brand of consumerist crap. Hallmark and Russell Stover are laughing all the way to the bank today, because somehow they convinced our country that you don't love your significant other unless you buy them chocolate and a shitty card. What ever happened to making your own card? If you can't put love into your own words, don't even bother. You suck.
You might think the way I write about Valentine's Day that I'm bitterly single. Negative. I'm in a happy relationship (and things are going okay with Brittney, too...), but I'll be damned if that'll change my thoughts on this diarrhea-fest of a holiday.
Why do girls fall for this shit? Honestly? Girls reading this, think about it this way. You and I are dating. (Man, it's your lucky day!) It's Valentine's day. I get you something. Is that more or less special than me getting you something at some random point in time? That's right, much less special. Am I getting you something on Valentine's day because I care, or am I doing it because I feel like I have to, under pressure from advertisers, what other couples are doing, and the like? Valentine's day is like changing the oil in your car. You don't want to do it, it's a pain in the ass, but it's something you have to do to keep it running properly.
If you don't do something on V-Day and you have the wrong kind of girlfriend (which, thankfully, I don't), ohhhh boy. Why don't you care? Did you know that X and Y are going to a nice dinner tonight? And Z bought Q a necklace. Now you're screwed. But as long as girls keep falling for it, guys have to keep pretending they give a shit. And that's the bottom line, 'cuz Stone Cold said so.
Shout out to all my single homies out there today who feel like the whole world is laughing at them. I feel you, too. But believe me: Whether you're single or involved on Valentine's Day, it still sucks. Ass.
But you, my readers... I love you all. And we're bangin' tonight. <3
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2 comments:
At least I still got the comfort of Guanabana juice...
Valentine's day is the day when guys have to do the stuff for girls that girls wish you would do without us having to make up a holiday... don't be lazy.
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