Letter to the Editor (Spring Weekend Concert '08)

I am writing this letter on the behalf of all those out there just like me. The downtrodden, the frustrated, the unfortunate minority. I am referring to those people who believe that music should be something more than a rhythmic addition to dance-floor foreplay. Specifically, the selection of T-Pain and Flo Rida as this year's Spring Concert. I could not be any more disappointed with the selection of these soon-to-be nobodies for the landmark event of Spring Weekend (well, the one you'll see publicized). Seriously, I would rather listen to Donnie and Marie on repeat for 48 hours than hear "Low" one more time. I would rather be attacked by a pack of ravenous wolverines than hear "I'm N Love (Wit a Strippa)" I have no interest in buying "shawty" a "drank." What's up with all the phonetics in these song titles, by the way? I wouldn't be surprised if the rappers that wrote them truly didn't know how to spell the words.

Get ready to laugh. I like music with instruments in it. I appreciate musicians who put years of time and practice into honing their musical craft. Silly me! Maybe it's because I know how hard it is, having played bass and guitar for more than six years. I also appreciate musicians who write their own songs, rather than relying on producers to do it for them. Now here comes along somebody like T-pain, famous for appearing in every song currently on the radio and lending his horribly distorted vocals to every chorus. Where would T-Pain be without Pro Tools? Probably still in the unemployment line. The headliners for this year's concert have about as much talent as William Hung on a good day.

So what do I suggest? I don't know, maybe somebody like Incubus? Muse? A fairly prominent band that actually has some staying power and talent. I would hope to God that those concerts might garner as much success as the one lined up for this Spring Weekend. Now I know what many of you are thinking. "But Ryan, last year's concert was Dashboard Confessional! They play instruments!" No. Just no. Emo does NOT count. If the entire audience is weeping, and they're not watching "Schindler's List," I want nothing to do with it.

The night of the concert, I will venture no closer to Gampel than North Parking Garage, lest I be subjected to overhearing the musical abomination taking place in our beloved arena. I mean, honestly. How many songs can one possibly endure in a row that involve being in a club? What were these people doing before they became rappers that allowed them to spend every waking hour in a club? Okay, that's enough ranting. I just wanted to get all of this off my chest, because for every couple orange-spray-on-tanned, popped collared club rat, there are a few more people like me, rolling their eyes so hard it disrupts the Earth's gravitational pull.

-Author's Note: This letter was written before the inclusion of Method Man and Redman was announced. Now, while Method Man and Redman are not Lennon and McCartney, I have a lot more respect for them because of their longevity in the rap scene. They have been around for years and have been relatively consistent in their work. My biggest objection with T-Pain and Flo Rida is that I believe they are total flare-ups, one hit wonders soon to join the ranks of Chumbawumba and Natalie Imbruglia. Method Man and Redman should ABSOLUTELY be headlining this show. Having them open is a crime against humanity. By the way, the Redman song "Smash Sumthin'" is a phenomenal song and is fully endorsed by this author.
-Ryan Prescott, 6th semester Psychology Major