Nacho Cheese V. Cool Ranch: The Great Debate

I love the poll feature on this blog. (Thanks, Blogger!) For one, it gives me a crude estimate as to how many people are reading (Although, comments are on the rise, so there's less of a need for trickery). But really, I just enjoy a good poll. I want to live vicariously through all of you. I imagine myself as a loyal Cronie, loading this site, and saying "Zoinks! A new survey!!!" Cronies talk like that. God, if only I could be you in that moment...that is if you're anything like me. I answer the poll on the UConn homepage, I answer the poll on ESPN.com...anywhere there's a poll, you'll find me. Just as long as it's not some dickhead calling me during dinner. (Thanks, Do Not Call list!) I think I've reached my quota for maximum usage of parentheses per entry, whatdya think? I'm also steadily approaching maximum usage of the word "poll." Shit. That's one less.

It's hard to come up with a good poll, so usually I fill mine with asinine crap. Now don't get me wrong, asinine crap is certainly a favorite of mine, but recent events have thrust a crucial and time-tested question back into the forefront of my thoughts. Hell, you've already read the title, there's no use being cryptic. I'm talking Doritos flavors. Of course, those well-versed in the Denim Douche archives already know that the true champion of the Doritos flavor line is Guacamole. This is not debatable.

But what of their two flagship flavors, Nacho Cheese and Cool Ranch? Now this is exciting. This is Lennon v. McCartney. Magic Johnson v. Larry Bird. David St. Hubbins v. Nigel Tufnel. Fire and Ice. Hell, the bags even look like fire and ice. The two juggernauts of the flavored tortilla chip throwing down. I don't care if you like a more obscure flavor best, as do I. No one debates Ringo vs. Harrison, because nobody cares. If you leave me a comment saying actually picking a winner to that debate, I will assault you. And it's Harrison. The point being, you shall choose between these two pillars of the corn-chip Parthenon. There will be no "other" option on this poll, in the interest of relevance.

You might think it odd that this is my second Doritos related post here on the Douche, and I must agree that while Doritos are a fine, fine snack choice, I fear that I have overrepresented them on this site, and for that slight journalistic breach of balance, I apologize. Everyone knows that Salt & Vinegar kettle chips are better, anyway. But that's a debate for another day.

I thought about writing a little something about each flavor, but everyone's had both. That's a waste of time. I also thought about withholding my endorsement in the interest of neutrality, but I have faith that my readers have strength enough in their convictions not to be influenced by my opinion. Haha, yeah right. You all suck. Besides, this is an oft-debated subject and my own proclivities are fairly well documented. That is to say...

I'm a Cool Ranch man.

Go, my children, and vote. A poll we can all care about. Let your voice be heard. By the 4 or 5 other people reading this.

And don't forget to read about the 10 greatest movie theme songs of all time. Doritos and movie theme songs... We value self-betterment here at the Douche. We, of course, being me.