Loyal and faithful Cronies, you may have noticed something a little different lately about your beloved Douche. *Gulp*
Ads.
That's right, I've sold out. I've gone commercial. I'm Metallica circa 1995. I'm Catherine Zeta-Jones and her T-Mobile spots. In case you still don't know what I'm talking about, for one, wake the fuck up, and two, I've put ads on my site. Yeah, that's right, ads. I've decided to unleash Google AdSense on this site and give it a trial run, to see how it works. You see kids, it's on you to make this a successful venture for me. If you see anything at all interesting on any of the ads, go ahead, give it a click. If it's horribly uninteresting, go ahead, give it a click. Furthermore, I put search bars on the top and bottom of this blog. Take a look. I'll wait. Now look at the other one. Look at it. Nice, right? It's a Google search bar, so if anything inspires you on my site, don't use your homosexual Google toolbar, use that. Because then I could potentially make money. And I gave it a silly name, and I won't tell you what it is. You have to complete a real live search and see for yourself.
If you're anything like me, you're probably thinking to yourself, "Fuck you, Ryan, what's in it for me?" First of all, watch your language. I won't be talked to that way. Second of all, using my vast knowledge of statistics, I found a perfect 1.00 correlation with my Pearson R between money generated from Ryan's new ads and quality of blog entries henceforth. Wow, a perfect 1.00! Who would have thunk? So now, think of your plight. You, the nameless, faceless reader who clicked the Denim Douche link because I post it on Facebook every time I write something, presumably clicked said link because you're slightly bored and are expecting some sort of entertainment. Well, of course, you've come to the right place. I'll give you your fix. But, if my ads end up tanking, I'll start writing about what I did the day I wrote in the blog. That's right, I'll start writing crap. If you really want to know how my next breakfast goes, you're in luck. If you want the good stuff, click the links. I'll be inspired and the quality of the writing is sure to improve.
Because I'm not famous and this isn't a real endorsement, I still get to do whatever I want. Fuck. Shit. Doo-doo Ca-Ca Pee-Pee Fart. Look at that, I still have advertisers. What a world! Penis. Okay, that's enough. I actually initially had planned to write about something, and planned to talk about the ads only as my traditional pre-topic topic. But fuck me sideways, I got on a roll and look where we are now...right near the end. Of course, I'm still writing, so who knows where the end will be, in the end. Only in hindsight will I know for sure.
Click them. Do your duty. I love you all, and we'll be back with our regularly scheduled programming soon.
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2 comments:
Use the search function to access a webpage whenever you plan to make a purchase online. My guess is that there is an affiliate program in which Ryan will receive anywhere from 1 - 7% of the money anyone spends shopping online if they were led there from a link through his ads. It's a pretty simple thing to do if you're already planning to purchase something to begin with.
and of course, that will lead to higher-quality posts on subjects that you all really care about.
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