Now, you may have noticed the title of this entry. Useless Jobs: A New Denim Douche Staple. I'd like for it to become a new staple. I fully intend for that to happen at this time. I also hoped I might incorporate more photoshops into the blog, but the well's been dry since "Pontius Pilates." Anyway, I thought of the subject of the blog, then decided it would make for a charming series. So, without further ado,
USELESS JOB #1: The Courtroom Sketch Artist
Who is this person? Care to venture a guess? I want you to struggle a little with it, so I wrote who it is at the bottom of the post if you're really looking for closure.
Courtroom Sketch Artists are absurd. They came into being because courts would not allow cameras into their proceedings (real courts, not Judge Judy), but for some reason, decided to allow amateurish drawings of all parties involved. The picture above looks like a caricature you'd get of yourself at Disneyland. Why aren't her eyes boggling out of her head a little more and why doesn't she have a 3-foot neck? I guess the artist was just lazy.
I understand the Stenographer. This person types out everything that's said in the courtroom so that it's accessible on the record. That's important. We're dealing with the law. But why in God's name do we need the art-school dropout present in court? (Becca, I'm calling you out. Does your judge have to deal with these Bob Ross wannabes? Do you agree that any full-time courtroom position that involves colored pencils is slightly unnecessary?)
Who actually wants to be a courtroom sketch artist? How low in the artist spectrum is that position? I think I'd rather teach kindergarteners to fingerpaint. There are police sketch artists, but those are useful. Some of them are frighteningly good at their job and help catch criminals. But courtroom sketch artists are a mockery and make way too much for being marginally talented with Crayola products.
The picture I posted is from TMZ. It's someone you all know, which is why I asked you who you think it is. Since TMZ can't get in there themselves with their terroristic cameramen, they buy these shitty sketches so they have something visual for their articles. What we get is a ridiculous juxtaposition between (usually) serious criminal charges and silly political-cartoon drawings.
"The defendant recounted his ghastly murders in graphic detail"
Anyway, it's now 12:20 and I'd better get back to studying. But fuck me sideways, Courtroom Sketch Artist is one
If that's not a real HTML function, it should be.
Oh, and it's Paris Hilton.
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