Separate Church and State, for F-word’s sake.

So my mom is in Maine, and needed me to mail her something. I couldn’t do it before noon on Saturday, because I was hungover and enjoying the absolutely phenomenal Brunch menu at Bull’s Head Diner.

The brunch menu is a choice of breakfast or lunch food from a list of a dozen or so selections, served with coffee or tea AND a brunch cocktail (Mimosa, Bloody Mary or Pina Colada)…all for 12 bucks…Complete with the diner’s trademark absurd serving sizes. I am convinced they’re losing money on this deal. And wouldn’t you know it, it even helped my hangover. Thanks, more booze!

So Sunday rolls along…and as we all know, the post office is closed. This is where I began to think and experience one of my fits of rage that you’re all privy to at this point. How the hell, in 2009, are post offices, banks, liquor stores, and a whole host of other things that I’m surely forgetting, legally required to shut their doors on Sundays?

Of course, these outdated traditions date back to the day when America truly was a Christian nation and the Sabbath was the day of rest. But for a country that purports to be nondenominational, we sure do things with a distinctively Christian flare, don’t we?

For a country with no religious affiliation, isn’t it funny that gays can’t get civil unions? A totally political ceremony with no religious connotations attached, and yet it somehow ruins the sanctity of marriage. Isn’t it fun that everyone has to swear on a Bible in a court of law? What if they aren’t Christian? Doesn’t that give them spiritual license to lie like crazy? Again, this is a leftover from our God-fearing roots, in which the political consequences of perjury still weren’t quite as bad as the eternal damnation of hellfire that would surely follow.

I find this shit so silly, and yet politicians don’t want to touch it with a hundred foot pole. Too many crazies and fundamentalists still out there. To challenge the now-absurd remnants of religious piety, even in this day and age, is a pretty risky political move. Maybe even a death sentence, depending on which nutjob you offend.

Remember, kids. It says “In God We Trust” on your dollar bill… and that’s why you can’t take them out of the bank on Sundays.

ATMs don’t count, asshole.