The Challenger

Denim Douche does not have a statistics department. It's a shame, because I when I watch sports, which I do quite often, announcers will frequently vocalize a curiosity. You know, one of these:

Announcer: "I wonder... when was the last time someone had 37 points and 13 assists while playing 34 minutes on their grandmother's birthday?" And wouldn't you know it, before you can even figure out what they're talking about, they've got an answer for you. Hasn't happened since '77, on a long-since defunct team (Cincinnati Royals? Syracuse Nationals?)

Which brings me to my point: Food is clearly overrepresented on the Douche (or DD, if you will). I wanted a statistic to back this claim up; a percentage, a comprehensive count of food-related entries. But instead of looking it up, I chose instead to lament about this site's lack of a statistics department. In the irony of ironies, it appears I'm too lazy to navigate the archives for a few minutes, but not to write 3 paragraphs of convoluted nonsense. If laziness is conditional, is it really laziness? Chew on that for a while.

Check that: food isn't overrepresented on the Douche. Everything happens for a reason, and I write about food all the time because I love food. Food is the best, and it goes far beyond a need for sustenance. I apologize for the ironic juxtaposition of this entry and the one about eating disorders. Couldn't be helped.

During a spirited bout of eating this weekend, I consumed 2 and a half burgers, 2 chicken thighs, 2 servings of fries, and stopped because we ran out of food. This occurrence is hardly surprising, you see, because my roommate Ho and I have been training. We have been training for the Challenger. For those not in the know, the Challenger is a 2 person eating challenge at Randy's Wooster Street Pizza here at UConn. The description on the website calls it a "22' Stuffed Pizza with a combination too big to list!" And claims that 102 have tried it, with one team succeeding.

I'm ready. Ho is ready. Usually I stop eating because I'm out of food or because I feel that people are starting to stare. I want to see where I really stand. I want to enter this ring of honor and double that win total. But alas, Cronies, times are tight. The Challenger costs $35. I'm bleeding money and I'm not sure I can justify dropping 20 dollars myself for the challenge. That's why I turn to you...the fans. Sponsor this challenge. Pledge a few dollars, and come cheer Ho and I on.

Yeah, I'm serious. If a bunch of you throw in just a few dollars, you could be part of history. This event would be photographed, fully chronicled and the story immortalized here on the Douche with a postgame wrapup. When we have a solid base of funding, I'll post the date and time of the Challenger spectacle on the Douche and you can feel free to come enjoy the show (plus, you can BYOB at Randy's!)

Like Olmec from Legends of the Hidden Temple always said, the choice is yours and yours alone. Let's see what you've got.