I have longed for the downfall of society.
I have pined for rainbow parties.
I have ripped off The Onion so badly I'm waiting to hear from their lawyers.
But somehow I get the feeling that this is going to piss more people off.
Tattoos, my dear readers, are stupid. There. I said it. I like to think of myself as an astute observer of the human race, and as such, I have made some observations regarding people getting tattoos. They are quite fascinating.
1. The real reason people get tattoos is because they just want a damn tattoo. 99% of tattoo back stories are A. bullshit, or B. totally half-assed. The guy who came up with "my dog ate my homework" put more thought into his story than most tattoo recipients.
Who hasn't seen this scenario played out a million times...
Person with strange triangular pattern on his arm: Yeah, I got this because it's the Norse symbol of strength, and after my hamster Eggbert died I just felt like I wanted him to always be a part of me.
Right. That guy just wanted a tattoo of a funky triangular pattern. But he sounds like a jackass if he comes right out with it. I, keen detector of bullshit, see through this subterfuge. I would probably have more respect for people if they just came right out with it. "I just wanted this butterfly on my pelvis. That's it." Okay, you're a straight shooter. It's still stupid, but at least you didn't feed me some inane nonsense about it being for the children in Darfur.
2. Sometimes, when a person has made up their mind to get a tattoo but just can't figure out what to get, they'll get a phrase in a different language. Why is this supposed to be cool? I don't care if you've got "A tout le monde" tattooed across your buttcheek or "yo quiero taco bell" on your ribcage, this is not clever. Especially when the reasoning behind it is something to the extent of "I'm 1/16th Chinese... that's why it's written in Mandarin." If you really want to be clever, get your next stupid phrase in Wingdings. Now that's breakthrough.
3. I've even seen phrases in English. Now, what's the reasoning behind this? Unless you're Guy Pearce in Memento, why write a phrase on yourself? Of course, they're all stoic, with a touch of noble. Courage. Honesty. Independence. Why can't you just internalize that? It's like these people are wearing political yard signs. "Jim Martin. Integrity." Oh, so that's what you stand for! Can people not internally motivate themselves anymore? They need a reminder written on themselves? "Well, I was going to wilt under the pressure, break down and cry today, but then I noticed that my left breast reads 'Endurance.' Guess I better stick it out."
Bottom line: People think their tattoo is special. Everyone with a symbol, a foreign phrase, a pattern, a fairy, a heart, et cetera, believes they got their tattoo for the right reason, and everyone else gets tattoos for the mind-numbing reasons I've described above. Hey, who am I to kill a good rationalization?
Footnote/Caveat: It is acceptable to get a tattoo to commemorate a lost loved one. That is, if you really got the tattoo to commemorate said lost loved one. If you got an eagle because it's rad, and then randomly assigned your great aunt whom you never met to said tattoo, that does not apply. You still fail.
1 comment:
As a proud wearer of ten tattoos, which range from a "Holy Hell, why did I get that?" to, in my humble opinion, the greatest tattoo of all time,This seems to be an ongoing theme in my life. Not the act of getting them, but the conversations that are about them. My tattoos are a bigger conversation starter than I am. I've always known that not everyone will appreciate my tattoos or even understand them, but that isn't the point of a tattoo in my eyes. I got all of my tats for me. I did research on where to go, where to place them on my body, and most importantly the care and the commitment one must have when deciding to get ink.
People are often shocked that I even have tattoos. I look like "such a nice girl." But why I ask, does a tattoo make me anything other than that, a nice girl? My tattoos aren't vulgar, hateful or disrespectful. So why all the hype? Because people still have this stigma that if you have a tattoo you are hard and ride a motorcycle and eat babies. Well, I don't do those things. I'm an average thirty-something woman who is expressing herself through ink. And no, I do not have a "tramp stamp" or a "band" around my arm. My tattoos are tasteful and easily hidden.
So the conversations are always centered on two things; what are my tattoos of and why did I get them in the first place. I'm not sure why people expect me to justify my actions. I don't ask them why they are eating Doritos when Fritos are clearly better. I just think it is hilarious that people demand for you to take off your clothes and show them your ink then to explain yourself as if you were a three year old who used crayons on the walls again. So I guess the moral of this rant is that people should be respectful to the tattooed community. We don't ask you personal questions like what your favorite sexual position is, so please, respect our privacy.
Acceptance of tattoos has improved, but you can hardly call it mainstream. Tattoos are primarily a moral issue in Oklahoma. The logic is that your body is God's temple and a tattoo is defacing God's temple.
So once you get a tattoo, you immediately get placed into the ungodly class. It does not matter if you get a face lift, hair implants, collagen injections, or breast implants. I guess it's okay to help God out because he surely did not intend for you to just grow old?
Only in 2006 did it became llegal get a tattoo in the state of Oklahoma. That tells you that there are not only a lot of people in Oklahoma who feel tattoos are immoral but there is something just shy of a majority that believe that they need to legislate their morality. Legislating your morality on someone else is sort of Taliban-ish isn't it? I thought that was why we are are killing Islamic extremists?
Tattoos are a great way to express yourself and show people what is important to you. I agree that my body is a temple. I simply decided to decorate mine. It's MY skin and I'm having fun with it.
Sometimes I bust out and do things so permanent. Like tattoos and marriage. --Drew Barrymore
People have asked me, what about your tattoos when you're ninety? Why would it bother me then? I would still want to get tattooed even when I'm a grandmother. --Nicole Miller, noted fashion designer
"In all ages, far back into prehistory, we find human beings have painted and adorned themselves." H.G. Wells
"There is no perfect beauty that hath not strangeness in the proportion."
Sir Francis Bacon - London, 1639
Everybody wants to see the pictures, and yet nobody wants to see them.
Ray Bradbury -- The Illustrated Man
love, your cousin Heather :)
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